"...The faster you go through life, the shallower your understanding becomes. You must allow life to unfold it's beauty slowly. Only then will you realize that God is in the details..."

Its been awhile since my last entry, and its really weird of me not to do that. In my defense, I have to say that I've had a lot going on...

Yep, my mind is like on some terrible loop of thoughts. And I think I think too much.

Wait, correction. I know I think too much. Of all the things that cross my mind on a regular basis, it all really comes down to the same thing. What is the point? What is the point of everything? Why bother going to school each day? Whats' the point of striving to achieve better things in my life? Same thoughts, same order, every day, every hour, every minute all the time. Yeah, I know I'd lose my mind anytime soon.

Argh. I can't go back, can't seem to go forward, can't stand to be in the here and now, and I'm too much of a loser to fucking end this mediocrity. So iisa lang din ang ginagawa ko, I'm bitching about my life over and over again till I can't even stand doing that.

Still, I am contemplating why, exactly, I can't accept the way things are and just be happy to have the things I have. I know I should want the things I have yet I hate it all parin.

I want to be mentally healthy yet I feel so undeserving of it at the same time and have to force myself to the things that are good for me. Maybe I was just tired of dealing with those things, acad stuffs, family, love, yuck. Hahah.

I have done nothing but overhaul my mind and myself this past few weeks in every possible way, but still, no change. Damn it. What is wrong with me?

Is it wrong for me to have contentment and peace?

Normally I'm very perceptive about everything. Pero ewan talaga.
I think misery now is becoming normal for me.


EWAN.
What can I do? Facing certain issues head on, standing right up close and examining things and slicing open old wounds again and again is not something I feel like I can cope with right now.

I think I am mentally and emotionally accident prone, as I seem to acquire new hurts every single day.

Just tell me things are gonna be alright if I just let myself change. PLEASE.

"...The faster you go through life, the shallower your understanding becomes. You must allow life to unfold it's beauty slowly. Only then will you realize that God is in the details..."

Its been awhile since my last entry, and its really weird of me not to do that. In my defense, I have to say that I've had a lot going on...

Yep, my mind is like on some terrible loop of thoughts. And I think I think too much.

Wait, correction. I know I think too much. Of all the things that cross my mind on a regular basis, it all really comes down to the same thing. What is the point? What is the point of everything? Why bother going to school each day? Whats' the point of striving to achieve better things in my life? Same thoughts, same order, every day, every hour, every minute all the time. Yeah, I know I'd lose my mind anytime soon.

Argh. I can't go back, can't seem to go forward, can't stand to be in the here and now, and I'm too much of a loser to fucking end this mediocrity. So iisa lang din ang ginagawa ko, I'm bitching about my life over and over again till I can't even stand doing that.

Still, I am contemplating why, exactly, I can't accept the way things are and just be happy to have the things I have. I know I should want the things I have yet I hate it all parin.

I want to be mentally healthy yet I feel so undeserving of it at the same time and have to force myself to the things that are good for me. Maybe I was just tired of dealing with those things, acad stuffs, family, love, yuck. Hahah.

I have done nothing but overhaul my mind and myself this past few weeks in every possible way, but still, no change. Damn it. What is wrong with me?

Is it wrong for me to have contentment and peace?

Normally I'm very perceptive about everything. Pero ewan talaga.
I think misery now is becoming normal for me.


EWAN.
What can I do? Facing certain issues head on, standing right up close and examining things and slicing open old wounds again and again is not something I feel like I can cope with right now.

I think I am mentally and emotionally accident prone, as I seem to acquire new hurts every single day.

Just tell me things are gonna be alright if I just let myself change. PLEASE.