Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I'm changing.
I feel like a failure because I'm struggling to become something, and I do not even know what it is. All i know how to do is to get by. Someday, if I discover my purpose, I will feel I am beginning to live.
I'm changing.
I can feel it in almost everything I do, I'm aware that I'm different. In loads of different ways. And I don't like it.
I don't know; I'm confused.
Like my Mum, for instance. I'm not as close to her as I used to be. It's like I'm seeing her in a new light. I've never been able to really confide in her, and I don't know why.
She's always complaining. She's never happy. And she doesn't hide it.
She's never sympathetic, or really comforting. If I come home upset when people have been pissing me off, she tells me it's my fault because I reacted to it. I can't help it!
I just feel lost in my own life.
And I don't feel ready for college. Not just yet.
I just...don't feel like me anymore. The madness hasn't surfaced in weeks. And I thought changing was gradual over the years, now it's like, it's been hitting me all at once.
And I hate it.
And if I hate it now, what am I going to be like as an adult?
And if I can't cope with the pressure in college, what the hell am I going to do later on?
11:32 PM